Jun 27, 2009
Citizenship
MJ Newswire - California authorities are questioning the citizenship of pop icon Michael Jackson. In a statement released by the Los Angeles coroner's office, Dr. Icut Emup stated "During the autopsy of Mr Jackson we discovered several imprints on various body parts. Among these imprints were the words Made In China, Made in Taiwan, and Fabricado en Mexico."
State authorities are refusing to release the body until undisputable proof of Jackson's origin can be secured. One state official speculated that the court might order Jackson's remains to be divided and returned to the various countries of origin.
"We're just not sure at this point," Captain Ima Cop stated. "It's quite possible that these foreign manufactuers might refuse to accept his remains." An anonymous source in the coroners office hinted that Jackson's death was probably caused by stress fatigue of the foreign made plastic components.
State authorities are refusing to release the body until undisputable proof of Jackson's origin can be secured. One state official speculated that the court might order Jackson's remains to be divided and returned to the various countries of origin.
"We're just not sure at this point," Captain Ima Cop stated. "It's quite possible that these foreign manufactuers might refuse to accept his remains." An anonymous source in the coroners office hinted that Jackson's death was probably caused by stress fatigue of the foreign made plastic components.
That's why
Michael Jackson died of a heart attack. He really shouldn’t have looked at the man in the mirror.
True Stories: 10 Things you didn't know about Michael Jackson
Thanks Oddee for this!
1. Michael Jackson's Oxygen Bed
For beauty proposes and to live longer, Michael Jackson used to sleep in an oxygen tent. He later donated the bed to a Californian medical centre as a therapeutic aid for burns victims.
2. Michael Jackson Egyptian Sculpture
3. Jackson's Patented Anti-Gravity Boot
US Patent 5255452
4. Bubble the Chimp, Michael's best friend
5. Michael suffered a rare genetic disease
6. Billie Jean was the first MTV video by a black artist
7. Michael Jackson's Video Game
8. Michael Jackson Thriller Zombie Vinyl Figure
9. World's Largest Thriller Dance-Off
When all was said and done, 4,177 people in 72 cities and 10 nations synced up by cell phone and clomped out the Thriller dance for charity.
10. Michael Jackson's Punch-Out
In this game he fights Macaulay Culkin to survive. His monkey, shoes and signature moves are revisited in this funny Nintendo Parody including a Thriller face.
Final battle
Michael Jackson died and went to heaven, St. Peter says, "you know Michael , we really can’t let you in here, you did a lot of bad things down on earth". Michael pleads with St. Peter to let him in and states that he’ll do anything to get in, not wanting to go to hell and all.
St. Peter agrees to ask God if there is anything they can do, God tells St. Peter he’ll let Michael into heaven on one condition, he’ll have to fight someone and if he wins they’ll admit him. Michael agrees seeing its his only option.
The pearly gates open and and Elvis walks out shouting, “where is that weird son of a bitch that married my daughter?”
St. Peter agrees to ask God if there is anything they can do, God tells St. Peter he’ll let Michael into heaven on one condition, he’ll have to fight someone and if he wins they’ll admit him. Michael agrees seeing its his only option.
The pearly gates open and and Elvis walks out shouting, “where is that weird son of a bitch that married my daughter?”
Pearly Gates
Michael Jackson approaches the Pearly Gates. As he gets closer he observes that there are two gates. One is labeled "Black" and the other "White". He's not sure which to approach but decides on "White". He knocks and waits.
Eventually, after much key turning and the groan of hinges the door opens. Jackson is confronted by St Peter. "Please let me in" says Jackson. "Sorry mate", says Peter, "but you are not white despite your attempt to change your skin colour." Forlorn, Jackson goes to the "Black" gate and knocks. There is the sound of loud hip-hop coming from inside. Jackson wonders whether he was heard and knocks again. Eventually the door opens. Again he is confronted by St. Peter but this time he is black and twitching his arms to the music. "Hey man, what do you want?" asks Peter. "Please let me in", says Jackson. Peter replies "Sorry Bro but you rejected us."
Eventually, after much key turning and the groan of hinges the door opens. Jackson is confronted by St Peter. "Please let me in" says Jackson. "Sorry mate", says Peter, "but you are not white despite your attempt to change your skin colour." Forlorn, Jackson goes to the "Black" gate and knocks. There is the sound of loud hip-hop coming from inside. Jackson wonders whether he was heard and knocks again. Eventually the door opens. Again he is confronted by St. Peter but this time he is black and twitching his arms to the music. "Hey man, what do you want?" asks Peter. "Please let me in", says Jackson. Peter replies "Sorry Bro but you rejected us."
Jun 26, 2009
Coffin
Q: Why did Michael Jackson ask in his will to be buried in a solid oak coffin chosen by Lisa Marie? A: He wanted to "get wood from a woman" at least one time.
New Michael Jackson greatest hits record announced!
MJ new record has the following tracks:
1.D.E.A.D. (Easy as 1-2-3)
2.One Day In Your Death
3.Beat It(Please)
4.Really Wanna Be Startin' Something(My Heart)
5.C.P.R. (Pretty Young Thing)
6.Black Or White Or purple
7.(Lower Him Into The) Earth Song
8.Man In The Coffin
9.Can You Feel It (My Heart Beat)
10.Killer
11.Sad
12.He's Outta My Life
13.Droppin' Robin
Bonus track by his children for charity: 14.The Money Is Mine
1.D.E.A.D. (Easy as 1-2-3)
2.One Day In Your Death
3.Beat It(Please)
4.Really Wanna Be Startin' Something(My Heart)
5.C.P.R. (Pretty Young Thing)
6.Black Or White Or purple
7.(Lower Him Into The) Earth Song
8.Man In The Coffin
9.Can You Feel It (My Heart Beat)
10.Killer
11.Sad
12.He's Outta My Life
13.Droppin' Robin
Bonus track by his children for charity: 14.The Money Is Mine
Exclusive! We got MJ death certificate!
Exclusive! We have the original Michael Jackson death certificate!
Click for larger version!
God & MJ
What did Michael Jackson and God have in common?
They both had their eye on your first born, and decided that your sun would be hot.
They both had their eye on your first born, and decided that your sun would be hot.
MJ & Ed
Q:What did Ed McMahon and Michael Jackson have in common?
A: Ed always said “Here’s Johnny…” and Michael always said “Where’s Johnny…?”
A: Ed always said “Here’s Johnny…” and Michael always said “Where’s Johnny…?”
Michael's Greatest Hits Compilation
MICHAEL JACKSON'S GREATEST HITS
Volume 1
Side One
1. Reach out and TOUCH Someone
2. Hey, there, Predator
3. Touch Me Once, Touch Me Twice, Touch Me Once Again
4. The Best Toys are Little Boys
5. The WACKO Touch
Side Two
1. Theme from Peter Pervert
2. He TOUCHED Me
3. He Let His Fingers Do the Walking (In Private Places)
4. Come Open My FLY With Me
5. Theme from Woody The Pecker
Volume 2
Side One
1. Feeler
2. Put Your Hand in The Pants of Michael Jackson
3. Peter Pervert
4. The Boy Who Made Me Throw Up
5. Beat it and Eat It
Side Two
1. Full Moon at High Noon
2. I'm Dropping My Drawers Over You
3. I'm A Pervert
4. I'm Queer, I'm Not All Here
5. Groping the World
THE BEAST (BEST) OF MICHAEL JACKSON
Side One
1. It Was Masturbation
2. Feelings
3. Dance of the Pedophiles
4. Molesters' March
5. That Queer Old Feeling
Side Two
1. Meat Beater's Lament
2. Jack Off Jive
3. Those Roving Fingers
4. NUTcracker Suite
5. Peter Pervert's Theme
Volume 1
Side One
1. Reach out and TOUCH Someone
2. Hey, there, Predator
3. Touch Me Once, Touch Me Twice, Touch Me Once Again
4. The Best Toys are Little Boys
5. The WACKO Touch
Side Two
1. Theme from Peter Pervert
2. He TOUCHED Me
3. He Let His Fingers Do the Walking (In Private Places)
4. Come Open My FLY With Me
5. Theme from Woody The Pecker
Volume 2
Side One
1. Feeler
2. Put Your Hand in The Pants of Michael Jackson
3. Peter Pervert
4. The Boy Who Made Me Throw Up
5. Beat it and Eat It
Side Two
1. Full Moon at High Noon
2. I'm Dropping My Drawers Over You
3. I'm A Pervert
4. I'm Queer, I'm Not All Here
5. Groping the World
THE BEAST (BEST) OF MICHAEL JACKSON
Side One
1. It Was Masturbation
2. Feelings
3. Dance of the Pedophiles
4. Molesters' March
5. That Queer Old Feeling
Side Two
1. Meat Beater's Lament
2. Jack Off Jive
3. Those Roving Fingers
4. NUTcracker Suite
5. Peter Pervert's Theme
Refused
It has been reported on the "Angels News" that Michael Jackson was refused entry to heaven due to the fact they don’t accept plastic.
Last words...
MJ: Wanna be starting something… Wanna be starting something… Wanna be starting something… Wanna be starting something…
Paramedic: Dude, try your heart!
Paramedic: Dude, try your heart!
Cancelled
Due to Michael Jackson unexpected demise, all of his dates in London have had to be cancelled.
Starting with James, aged 10, Peter aged 9...
Starting with James, aged 10, Peter aged 9...
From Jimmy Kimmel
What's especially sad is that most people of a certain generation only know Michael Jackson as a crazy guy who had a lot of plastic surgery -- whereas the truth is, he was not only an unbelievably talented, groundbreaking performer, he also helped break down the racial prejudice in this country. He was an extremely powerful symbol -- a black performer who whites could relate to and then later in life, a white performer who blacks could relate to.
Bad day
I tell ya, today was a baaaaad day for music, but a greeeeeat day for monkeys and little boys!
Radio
I got a new radio in my car. It accepts voice commands for what to play. I was testing it a few days ago, and said "Jazz" - and my radio switched to a jazz station. Then I said "rock" and it put on rock music.
I was driving through a schoolzone and some kids ran out across the street, right in front of my car. As I screeched to a halt, thankfully not hurting any, I screamed "Die, you f*cking children!"
And the radio turned to Michael Jackson music!
Oh Farrah!
Rest in peace and Farewell Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson.
In your own way, each one of you helped young boys masturbate.
In your own way, each one of you helped young boys masturbate.
Burial
It has been revealed that in his last will, Michael Jackson wants to be buried at sea... preferably attached to two buoys.
Another offer
In Memory of the passing of Michael Jackson, Macy's, Sears and Bloomingdale's will be having boy's pants half off!
Time
In his list of last wishes, Michael Jackson stated that the time at which he wishes to be buried is, and I quote: "when the big hand is holding the little hand."
Last Song
It's a shame, he was just going to release a song about his life too...
'Michael Jackson in A minor'
Turmoil
Michael Jacksons family are said to be in turmoil. They cant decide what colour coffin for him. Either black for general waste or green for recycled plastic!
Discount Coupon
New offer: Mention "BYEMJ" for a whooping 20% discount on the Jackson 5 reunion tour!
College
A college today said it would be changing its name to Michael Jackson University in his memory. The schools old name was Brigham Young.
Santa & Michael 2
What are Ed Mcmahon, Farah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson expecting for Christmas this year?
Patrick Swayze!
Patrick Swayze!
For Sale!
Got Michael Jackson concert tickets real cheap! Contact me at igotassfuckedbymjandimnotculkin@hotmail.com
Or at 555-EPIC-FAIL!
Thanks!
Or at 555-EPIC-FAIL!
Thanks!
News report
His millions of fans were stunned after the singer died of a very normal heart attack instead of electrocuting himself while re-enacting scenes from The Wizard of Oz with a cast of under-age giraffes.
The heart, Jackson's last original body part, was due to perform in London next month where it was expected to pump blood to a pair of new legs, a borrowed arm and the 14th version of the singer's face.
In Los Angeles, as preparations began for the funeral, a spokesman for the Jackson family said: "While we want to respect Michael's wishes we may have to abandon his desire to have the coffin carried by eight chimpanzees. I don't think he really thought that through."
But it is understood Jackson will be buried in his favourite Peter Pan costume in a bid to ensure that his last journey is as weird and freaky as possible.
Uri Geller, Jackson's friend and now acting King of the Freaks, said: "I feel so desperately sorry for all the freaks today. He was their Diana, their Elvis, their Mother Theresa and their Jade Goody all rolled into one. Which is actually what he looked like too. Check out this spoon."
In Hollywood dozens of other stars paid their tributes, describing him as a genius, an inspiration and the sort of very close friend you did not need to have your picture taken with.
Later today thousands of fans are expected to gather outside Neverland, the singer's former home and shout 'ee-hee' in unison, while in London, tabloid newspaper editors are bidding over a grainy image, supposedly taken this morning, showing Jackson still very much alive and part of a travelling band of Bulgarian circus folk.
Meanwhile at Madame Tussauds wax museum, security guards are standing by to prevent visitors poking the Michael Jackson statue amid rumours the singer had finally found the perfect hiding place.
On the internet, chat forums were awash with Jackson tributes from people who were convinced he was a pervert and wanted him strung up but who were now desperate to tell the world that he was a victim of the media and that Thriller was a ground-breaking work of genius.
Jen, from Milwaukee, said: "As you said Michael, Billie Jean was not your lover and neither was Macaulay Culkin, regardless of what I may or may not have written on my blog four years ago. I hope you find peace in freak heaven."
Pete, from London, wrote: "The way you danced like a zombie changed the way people thought about dancing like a zombie forever. Rest in Pop."
And Sam, from Rio de Janeiro, said: "You were my heart. I love you sing. You make special times but now you in heaven with all the children. Try not feel them up. God can see your hands now."
The heart, Jackson's last original body part, was due to perform in London next month where it was expected to pump blood to a pair of new legs, a borrowed arm and the 14th version of the singer's face.
In Los Angeles, as preparations began for the funeral, a spokesman for the Jackson family said: "While we want to respect Michael's wishes we may have to abandon his desire to have the coffin carried by eight chimpanzees. I don't think he really thought that through."
But it is understood Jackson will be buried in his favourite Peter Pan costume in a bid to ensure that his last journey is as weird and freaky as possible.
Uri Geller, Jackson's friend and now acting King of the Freaks, said: "I feel so desperately sorry for all the freaks today. He was their Diana, their Elvis, their Mother Theresa and their Jade Goody all rolled into one. Which is actually what he looked like too. Check out this spoon."
In Hollywood dozens of other stars paid their tributes, describing him as a genius, an inspiration and the sort of very close friend you did not need to have your picture taken with.
Later today thousands of fans are expected to gather outside Neverland, the singer's former home and shout 'ee-hee' in unison, while in London, tabloid newspaper editors are bidding over a grainy image, supposedly taken this morning, showing Jackson still very much alive and part of a travelling band of Bulgarian circus folk.
Meanwhile at Madame Tussauds wax museum, security guards are standing by to prevent visitors poking the Michael Jackson statue amid rumours the singer had finally found the perfect hiding place.
On the internet, chat forums were awash with Jackson tributes from people who were convinced he was a pervert and wanted him strung up but who were now desperate to tell the world that he was a victim of the media and that Thriller was a ground-breaking work of genius.
Jen, from Milwaukee, said: "As you said Michael, Billie Jean was not your lover and neither was Macaulay Culkin, regardless of what I may or may not have written on my blog four years ago. I hope you find peace in freak heaven."
Pete, from London, wrote: "The way you danced like a zombie changed the way people thought about dancing like a zombie forever. Rest in Pop."
And Sam, from Rio de Janeiro, said: "You were my heart. I love you sing. You make special times but now you in heaven with all the children. Try not feel them up. God can see your hands now."
Inspiring
Really, its an inspiring story-Michael Jackson started off as a struggling young black man and ended up as a succesful old white woman.
Stiff
Michael Jackson died in LA last night. They took him to the morgue. He didn't get stiff until he went past the children's ward.
Not the only victim
Michael Jackson was not the only victim yesterday. Paramedics at the scene collapsed with exhaustion trying to get the color back into his cheeks!
New Burger
In honor of Michael Jackson passing away McDonalds is introducing the "MacMJ" burger... 50year old cold meat between 10 year old buns!
Yet another coincidence!
Coincidence that Jackson and Farrah Fawcett died on the same day - one played with Majors and the other played with Minors!
Not with him, Michael!
BREAKING NEWS!
Casper the friendly ghost was raped in the early hours of this morning!
Casper the friendly ghost was raped in the early hours of this morning!
Why both?
Why did God take Michael Jackson so soon after Farrah Fawcett?
The angels misheard him - he actually asked for someone who was a pain in the ass, not someone who had one!
The angels misheard him - he actually asked for someone who was a pain in the ass, not someone who had one!
Santa & Michael
Question: What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
Answer: Neither of them exist and both leave little boys' rooms with empty sacks!
Answer: Neither of them exist and both leave little boys' rooms with empty sacks!
Farrah's last wish
When Farrah Fawcett went to Heaven, she was given one wish. She wished that all the children of the world would be safe.
So God killed Michael Jackson.
So God killed Michael Jackson.
Food poisoning?
The coroner has announced the cause of death for Michael Jackson. Food poisoning.
He'd been eating 9 year old weiners for 30 years now!
He'd been eating 9 year old weiners for 30 years now!
An upside to it
Whats the bright side of Michael's death to him?
Well, it will be the first time in fifteen years he will been able to smell!
Well, it will be the first time in fifteen years he will been able to smell!
Allergies
Doctors are baffled at the many claims about Michael Jackson allergies could have caused his death. Apparently the last report points out the demise could have been caused by an allergic reaction... from eating 12 year old nuts!
Looking for the culprit...
As he has recently been suffering with skin cancer, coroners are unsure what the cause of death was.
They can't decide whether to blame it on the sunshine, the moonlight, or the good times..
They can't decide whether to blame it on the sunshine, the moonlight, or the good times..
Smooth Criminal New Lyrics
Michael are you okay?
Are you okay Michael?
Michael are you okay?
Are you okay Michael?
You've been hit by-
You've been struck by-
A smooth myocardial infarction!
Are you okay Michael?
Michael are you okay?
Are you okay Michael?
You've been hit by-
You've been struck by-
A smooth myocardial infarction!
Fake Michael Jackson death news!
Apparently, reports of Michael Jackson dying of a heart attack in hospital are incorrect and based on a miscommunication.
He was actually in the children's hospital... having a stroke!
He was actually in the children's hospital... having a stroke!
Last Homage
Rest in peace, Michael. You're dead at 50.
In accordance with your will, little boys' pants shall be flown at half-mast today.
In accordance with your will, little boys' pants shall be flown at half-mast today.
Michael's last will
Michael Jackson's lawyers and solicitors read out his last will and testament this morning: Apparently he wants his ashes spread around Etch-a-Sketches... So that children can still play with him!
Never Since...
Michael Jackson hasn't been this stiff since Mackaulay Culkin spent the night at Neverland Ranch!
For the british only
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and Sir Alex Ferguson?
Ferguson will be playing Giggs this year!
Ferguson will be playing Giggs this year!
Jacko's ghost
Why was michael jackson's ghost depressed?
Because he didn't like dnb any more, he preferred tortoise. He was really 'out there'
Because he didn't like dnb any more, he preferred tortoise. He was really 'out there'
Who's to blame?
The coroner in the Inquiry for the death of Michael Jackson has stated that the cause of death was due to stress, preparing for the upcoming tour.
So in actual fact, he blamed it on the boogie!
So in actual fact, he blamed it on the boogie!
Melting him
I heard they're gonna melt Michael Jackson down and make him into toys. Then little kids can play with him for a change.
Michael Jackson last house fight
Michael Jackson comes home and his girlfriend is packing her bags.
Michael: "What are you doing??"
Girlfriend: "Im leaving you! I just found out what you are! You're a pedophile!"
Michael: "Pfff, you have a big mouth for a 7 year old!"
Michael: "What are you doing??"
Girlfriend: "Im leaving you! I just found out what you are! You're a pedophile!"
Michael: "Pfff, you have a big mouth for a 7 year old!"
Recycling Michael Jackson Body
I hear that Michael Jackson's body is going to get recycled and turned into shopping bags.
Problem is he'll still be white, made of plastic and dangerous to small children!
Problem is he'll still be white, made of plastic and dangerous to small children!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
