Jul 4, 2009

Michael Jackson authopsy results

The authopsy results confirmed that Michael Jackson died from plain heart failure...
apparently his Molesterol was too high!

Last minute replacement

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Pwleaze Helpz

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Paramedics

The first two paramedics arrive at Neverland and find Jackson's body.
Then the first paramedic looks at the second paramedic and says "OK what're we going to do first?" the Second paramedic replies "I don't know about you, but I'm having a go on the roller-coaster!"

I see dead people

Drugs

They found drugs at Jacko's house.
Class A's in the kitchen, Class B's in the living room and Class 3C in the bedroom.

Riddle

What's black and has 8 legs?
The Jackson 4!

This just in! Jacko attacks!

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Violin

6 year old violin star Maxwell Jarvis has been confirmed to play at Michael Jackson’s funeral.
It seems appropriate to have a kiddie fiddler to see him off…

Dove

Upon hearing the news of Michael Jackson's death, mourning fans asked to release a white dove in his honour at the upcoming Tuesday funeral.
Well, it is actually a blackbird, but with a rare skin condition...

Final Destination

According to the King of Pop last will, they are not burying Michael Jackson, he is being frozen and chopped.
He will be selling his repackaged body under the brand "The King of Popsicles!" and will enjoy being licked by young boys!

Jul 3, 2009

Disappointment

The cause of Michael Jackson's heart attack is now known. He discovered that 'Boyz 2 Men' is a band, and NOT a delivery service.

Elton

Michael Jackson has asked to be buried face-down, just in case Elton John wants to pop in for a cold one.

Confirmation

Paramedics at the scene knew Jackson was gone, when they waved a six-year-old boy under his nose and got no response.

Walrus pays homage to Michael Jackson!



Jul 2, 2009

Last dying wishes

The "King of Pop" Michael Jackson died suddenly at the age of 50 after reportedly going into cardiac arrest.
Paramedics performed CPR on the singer at his L.A. home and then rushed him to UCLA Medical Center where he was pronounced dead. Jackson representatives then honored MJ's last dying wishes by checking Macaulay Culkin's pulse.

Second Authopsy

It was reported today that the Jackson family would like a second autopsy done on superstar Michael Jackson after many questions have been raised concerning his death.

However, the coroner's office released a statement today saying they don't have a 50 year old Black man in their possession, only what looks to be a much older Chinese lady.

Goodbye Michael's Nose (a song)


Sing to the tune of "Goodbye English Rose" by Sir Elton John.
Touching!

(Thanks b3ta for the lulz)

The Michael Jackson Skintone™ commemorative Pantone colour chart


The Michael Jackson Skintone™ commemorative Pantone colour chart


Ohio

Reports confirm that according to his last will, Michael Jackson will be buried in the "Buckeye State".
Apparently, he made the decision when he heard about the city of Youngstown, Ohio.

Dr. Spock

Q: What did Michael Jackson and Dr. Spock have in common?
A: They both knew how to rear a child!

Knock Knock 2

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Little Boy Blue.
Little Boy Blue who?
Michael Jackson.

Jul 1, 2009

Symbol

Jackson was an extremely powerful symbol -- a black performer who whites could relate to and then later in life, a white performer who blacks could relate to.

Pedobear 2

Yet another one

PedoBear

This one is for the 4Chan Posse

Thriller 2010

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Food Poisoning

Did you hear that Michael Jackson actually died of food poisoning?
Apparently he ate a 6 year old weiner!

Billy Mays

Billy Mays, 50, was found unresponsive by his wife inside his Tampa, Fla., home at 7:45 a.m. on Sunday, according to the Tampa Police Department.
Because of this, the 24 hour news channels will run nothing but Bill Mays infomercials during Michael Jackson tributes.

This just in!

A second plane has crashed into Michael's other nose!

Solution!

When Michael Jackson went to heaven, he was black as he was born.
Baffled, he asked God if there was a way to whiten him... Next thing he hears is: "HI I'M BILLY MAYS WITH OXYCLEAN!"

Commemorative Pants

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Call

I just called a friend to tell him about the sad news.
I told him "Did you hear that Michael Jackson just died?" And my friend asked, "What color this time?"

Dignity

As a word of confort to all Jacko fans, it should be noted that against all odds, Michael Jackson managed to die with far more dignity than David Carradine!

South Park

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Heaven or Hell

Q. Do you think Michael Jackson will go to heaven or hell?

A: Well, due to the number of unbaptized babies, he’ll probably choose purgatory

Latest News! Bubbles Takes Over!


Home Alone: The Revenge

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Hide!



First Farrah

First Farrah who all boys dreamed of, now Michael who dreamed of all boys!!!

Last resource

Michael Jackson realized he was going to have to face Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.

So having little to no options, he decided to hit Billy Mays in the head and get the best salesman he could for the job.

Man in the Mirror

Michael Jackson used to be the man in the mirror.
Now he's the man in the MRI.

Michael Jackson's Funeral Rehearsal

Authopsy

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Michael Jackson Is Dead Song



Michael Jackson is Dead Song, by Jon Lajoie


Jun 30, 2009

Keep your tickets!

Keep your tickets, this is all a setup for the best performance of "Thriller" ever!

Jacko's Children

He was a legend and his funeral will be amazing.

Ironically the funeral will be the first time in years his children haven’t been forced to wear veils.

Lisa Marie

Q: Did you hear Michael Jackson was married to Lisa-Marie Presley?
A: If Elvis were dead, he'd turn over in his grave.

Worst. Moonwalk. Ever.


Legacy

The King of Pop may be gone but he has left a musical legacy that will be around for hundreds of years.

As will his face.

Hospital

Jackson's family said they were moved to see that the hospital staff were all wearing black.

Actually, they were all wearing white as usual, but that family had always had a little trouble admitting the difference.

Touched

Biopic

How long before the Michael Jackson Biopic Movie is made? I call Will Smith's kid starring as young Mike...
... and Joan Rivers as old Mike!

One shall remain...

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Vandalized Wikipedia Entry (true story)

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Stain

Q: What was the worst stain to try to remove from a little boy’s underpants?
A: Michael Jackson’s makeup.

Michael Jackson's Last Moonwalk


Last hit

Q:What was Michael Jacksons last hit? .....
A: The floor!

Always

Michael jackson will always be with us...

He is not biodegradable.

Dr. House interviews Michael Jackson

Girls

Did you hear Michael Jackson now likes girls more than boys?
He's pushing up daisys instead of pushing up David!

We'll miss you

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Jackpot!

Decision

Following the death of Michael, the Jackson family doesn't know whether to have a funeral or a tupperware party.

Glove (exclusive)

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Disney

Disney expressed their sadness over Michael Jackson’s death, and also celebrated that now only Disney movies will be the only things to touch children.

Madonna

Madonna sent the jackson family her condolences as soon as she heard the news.
She then asked them how much they wanted for the kids!

Medical Mystery

In an astonishing medical mystery, Michael Jackson's corpse remained limp and soft until just minutes ago, when an orderly was bringing it down to the morgue, and passed through the children's ward. Michael Jackson instantly went into rigor mortis.

Picking

Apparently Michael Jackson died picking his nose. Doctors said they didn't blame it on the sunshine or the moonlight. They blamed it on the Boogie.

Jun 29, 2009

Method

Michael Jackson is dead.

Surgery wasn’t enough, so he found a way to be even whiter...

Latest Michael Jackson Videogame

Last sight

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Farrah, Ed & Michael

Michael Jackson, Ed McMahon, and Farrah Fawcet arrive at the Pearly Gates. St.Peter welcomes them warmly, and asks them if there was anyone in Heaven they'd like to see first.

Ed McMahon tells St. Peter that he really misses his old friend, Johnny Carson. "Heeerreee's Johnny", says St. Peter, and the old friends are together again.

Farrah speaks up next and tells St. Peter that she really misses her sister, and they too are reunited moments later.

"How about you Michael, who would you most like to spend time with on your first day in Heaven?"

Michael pauses for a moment and says, "Now, where's that Lindbergh baby?"

Bubbles

TMZ reports former pet Bubbles the Chimp was shocked upon hearing the news of his former owner.

Bubbles stated: "Although I am saddened during this difficult time, I take relief in knowing Michael is finally off my back".

Super Jacko Bros.

Elton John Tribute

BBC News


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Forgot...


Jackson 5 reunion

Why won't anyone hear the songs at the future Jackson 5 reunion tours?

They won't have a Mike!

Someone had to do this



Last Dance Off (100th Post... Yeah!)



Hey, this is our 100th Post, hope you can post some comments!

Top 10 Ideas for Michael Jackson Memorial Meal

10) The Way You Make Me Veal

9) Break of Prawn

8) Want to Be Starchin' Somethin'

7) Rock Shrimp with You

6) Heel the World

5) Smooth Crimini

4) Pretty Young Wing

3) Billy Jean Almondine

2) Remember the Thyme Roast Chicken

1) Black or White Cookies

Poor little Angels...



Box Set

I've just heard that Michael Jackson was to bring out an 'ultra-exclusive one of a kind limited edition box-set' next week.

Why they can't just call it a coffin I don't know.

New albums on the make!

Rumor has it that Sony is releasing two new Michael Jackson posthumous albums.

Trying to capitalize in the sudden demise of the King of Pop, they have come up with the following titles: "Chiller" and "Gangrenous".

(thanks Mountbatten BLAMMO)

Jun 28, 2009

MJ's Toe Tag

Some things never change


St. Peter's worst nightmare


Looks like somebody fucked things up there...

He knows better

Michael Jackson gets to heaven and he meets God.

God, upon seeing him, says "Come to me, my child".

MJ thinks, "I know where this is heading..."

(thanks Mountbatten BLAMMO)

Transplant

Difference

Q. What's the difference between Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson?

A. One had a disease that attacks the anus, the other was a Charlie's Angel.

Flip a coin

The Wiz

Michael Jackson should have been the tinman in "The Wiz"...
At least that way he would have got a new heart!

(Thanks Mountbatten Blammo)

Recession

Recession has gotten so bad in America that the Jackson 5 had to lay off one of them!

8 inches

What's 8 inches long and completely useless?
A Michael Jackson comeback tour ticket!

Good night

Latest Concert News

Michael Jackson’s UK tour will still go ahead as planned.

A spokesman said “So much of Michael was saved by the doctors after his surgical procedures that we are confident of being able to put something together.”

Simple Math

Medical research has confirmed that every time you grab your own crotch, it shortens you life by 2days. If the average lifespan of an American male is 80, then Michael Jackson passing on at 50 must have grabbed his crotch approximately 5470 times

Backwards

There are unconfirmed reports of people hearing Thriller playing backwards from the morgue.Apparently he's de-composing.

New Lego Packaging!


What's...

What's black and white and very hungry? Michael Jackson's cat.

True to his promise (see detail)

Coroner's doubt

After Michael Jackson's death, the coroners were unsure on what to put on the death certificate. In the end, one doctor pointed out it doesn't really matter if he's black or white.

Knock knock

*Knock* *Knock*
Who’s there?
Not Michael Jackson!

What's that fire?