The authopsy results confirmed that Michael Jackson died from plain heart failure...
apparently his Molesterol was too high!
apparently his Molesterol was too high!
Jul 4, 2009
Paramedics
The first two paramedics arrive at Neverland and find Jackson's body.
Then the first paramedic looks at the second paramedic and says "OK what're we going to do first?" the Second paramedic replies "I don't know about you, but I'm having a go on the roller-coaster!"
Then the first paramedic looks at the second paramedic and says "OK what're we going to do first?" the Second paramedic replies "I don't know about you, but I'm having a go on the roller-coaster!"
Drugs
They found drugs at Jacko's house.
Class A's in the kitchen, Class B's in the living room and Class 3C in the bedroom.
Class A's in the kitchen, Class B's in the living room and Class 3C in the bedroom.
Violin
6 year old violin star Maxwell Jarvis has been confirmed to play at Michael Jackson’s funeral.
It seems appropriate to have a kiddie fiddler to see him off…
It seems appropriate to have a kiddie fiddler to see him off…
Dove
Upon hearing the news of Michael Jackson's death, mourning fans asked to release a white dove in his honour at the upcoming Tuesday funeral.
Well, it is actually a blackbird, but with a rare skin condition...
Well, it is actually a blackbird, but with a rare skin condition...
Final Destination
According to the King of Pop last will, they are not burying Michael Jackson, he is being frozen and chopped.
He will be selling his repackaged body under the brand "The King of Popsicles!" and will enjoy being licked by young boys!
He will be selling his repackaged body under the brand "The King of Popsicles!" and will enjoy being licked by young boys!
Jul 3, 2009
Disappointment
The cause of Michael Jackson's heart attack is now known. He discovered that 'Boyz 2 Men' is a band, and NOT a delivery service.
Elton
Michael Jackson has asked to be buried face-down, just in case Elton John wants to pop in for a cold one.
Confirmation
Paramedics at the scene knew Jackson was gone, when they waved a six-year-old boy under his nose and got no response.
Jul 2, 2009
Last dying wishes
The "King of Pop" Michael Jackson died suddenly at the age of 50 after reportedly going into cardiac arrest.
Paramedics performed CPR on the singer at his L.A. home and then rushed him to UCLA Medical Center where he was pronounced dead. Jackson representatives then honored MJ's last dying wishes by checking Macaulay Culkin's pulse.
Paramedics performed CPR on the singer at his L.A. home and then rushed him to UCLA Medical Center where he was pronounced dead. Jackson representatives then honored MJ's last dying wishes by checking Macaulay Culkin's pulse.
Second Authopsy
It was reported today that the Jackson family would like a second autopsy done on superstar Michael Jackson after many questions have been raised concerning his death.
However, the coroner's office released a statement today saying they don't have a 50 year old Black man in their possession, only what looks to be a much older Chinese lady.
However, the coroner's office released a statement today saying they don't have a 50 year old Black man in their possession, only what looks to be a much older Chinese lady.
Goodbye Michael's Nose (a song)
Sing to the tune of "Goodbye English Rose" by Sir Elton John.
Touching!
(Thanks b3ta for the lulz)
The Michael Jackson Skintone™ commemorative Pantone colour chart
The Michael Jackson Skintone™ commemorative Pantone colour chart
Ohio
Reports confirm that according to his last will, Michael Jackson will be buried in the "Buckeye State".
Apparently, he made the decision when he heard about the city of Youngstown, Ohio.
Apparently, he made the decision when he heard about the city of Youngstown, Ohio.
Dr. Spock
Q: What did Michael Jackson and Dr. Spock have in common?
A: They both knew how to rear a child!
A: They both knew how to rear a child!
Jul 1, 2009
Symbol
Jackson was an extremely powerful symbol -- a black performer who whites could relate to and then later in life, a white performer who blacks could relate to.
Food Poisoning
Did you hear that Michael Jackson actually died of food poisoning?
Apparently he ate a 6 year old weiner!
Apparently he ate a 6 year old weiner!
Billy Mays
Billy Mays, 50, was found unresponsive by his wife inside his Tampa, Fla., home at 7:45 a.m. on Sunday, according to the Tampa Police Department.
Because of this, the 24 hour news channels will run nothing but Bill Mays infomercials during Michael Jackson tributes.
Because of this, the 24 hour news channels will run nothing but Bill Mays infomercials during Michael Jackson tributes.
Solution!
When Michael Jackson went to heaven, he was black as he was born.
Baffled, he asked God if there was a way to whiten him... Next thing he hears is: "HI I'M BILLY MAYS WITH OXYCLEAN!"
Baffled, he asked God if there was a way to whiten him... Next thing he hears is: "HI I'M BILLY MAYS WITH OXYCLEAN!"
Call
I just called a friend to tell him about the sad news.
I told him "Did you hear that Michael Jackson just died?" And my friend asked, "What color this time?"
I told him "Did you hear that Michael Jackson just died?" And my friend asked, "What color this time?"
Dignity
As a word of confort to all Jacko fans, it should be noted that against all odds, Michael Jackson managed to die with far more dignity than David Carradine!
Heaven or Hell
Q. Do you think Michael Jackson will go to heaven or hell?
A: Well, due to the number of unbaptized babies, he’ll probably choose purgatory
Last resource
Michael Jackson realized he was going to have to face Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.
So having little to no options, he decided to hit Billy Mays in the head and get the best salesman he could for the job.
Jun 30, 2009
Keep your tickets!
Keep your tickets, this is all a setup for the best performance of "Thriller" ever!
Jacko's Children
He was a legend and his funeral will be amazing.
Ironically the funeral will be the first time in years his children haven’t been forced to wear veils.
Ironically the funeral will be the first time in years his children haven’t been forced to wear veils.
Lisa Marie
Q: Did you hear Michael Jackson was married to Lisa-Marie Presley?
A: If Elvis were dead, he'd turn over in his grave.
Legacy
The King of Pop may be gone but he has left a musical legacy that will be around for hundreds of years.
As will his face.
As will his face.
Hospital
Jackson's family said they were moved to see that the hospital staff were all wearing black.
Actually, they were all wearing white as usual, but that family had always had a little trouble admitting the difference.
Actually, they were all wearing white as usual, but that family had always had a little trouble admitting the difference.
Biopic
How long before the Michael Jackson Biopic Movie is made? I call Will Smith's kid starring as young Mike...
... and Joan Rivers as old Mike!
... and Joan Rivers as old Mike!
Stain
Q: What was the worst stain to try to remove from a little boy’s underpants?
A: Michael Jackson’s makeup.
A: Michael Jackson’s makeup.
Girls
Did you hear Michael Jackson now likes girls more than boys?
He's pushing up daisys instead of pushing up David!
He's pushing up daisys instead of pushing up David!
Decision
Following the death of Michael, the Jackson family doesn't know whether to have a funeral or a tupperware party.
Disney
Disney expressed their sadness over Michael Jackson’s death, and also celebrated that now only Disney movies will be the only things to touch children.
Madonna
Madonna sent the jackson family her condolences as soon as she heard the news.
She then asked them how much they wanted for the kids!
She then asked them how much they wanted for the kids!
Medical Mystery
In an astonishing medical mystery, Michael Jackson's corpse remained limp and soft until just minutes ago, when an orderly was bringing it down to the morgue, and passed through the children's ward. Michael Jackson instantly went into rigor mortis.
Picking
Apparently Michael Jackson died picking his nose. Doctors said they didn't blame it on the sunshine or the moonlight. They blamed it on the Boogie.
Jun 29, 2009
Farrah, Ed & Michael
Michael Jackson, Ed McMahon, and Farrah Fawcet arrive at the Pearly Gates. St.Peter welcomes them warmly, and asks them if there was anyone in Heaven they'd like to see first.
Ed McMahon tells St. Peter that he really misses his old friend, Johnny Carson. "Heeerreee's Johnny", says St. Peter, and the old friends are together again.
Farrah speaks up next and tells St. Peter that she really misses her sister, and they too are reunited moments later.
"How about you Michael, who would you most like to spend time with on your first day in Heaven?"
Michael pauses for a moment and says, "Now, where's that Lindbergh baby?"
Ed McMahon tells St. Peter that he really misses his old friend, Johnny Carson. "Heeerreee's Johnny", says St. Peter, and the old friends are together again.
Farrah speaks up next and tells St. Peter that she really misses her sister, and they too are reunited moments later.
"How about you Michael, who would you most like to spend time with on your first day in Heaven?"
Michael pauses for a moment and says, "Now, where's that Lindbergh baby?"
Bubbles
TMZ reports former pet Bubbles the Chimp was shocked upon hearing the news of his former owner.
Bubbles stated: "Although I am saddened during this difficult time, I take relief in knowing Michael is finally off my back".
Bubbles stated: "Although I am saddened during this difficult time, I take relief in knowing Michael is finally off my back".
Jackson 5 reunion
Why won't anyone hear the songs at the future Jackson 5 reunion tours?
They won't have a Mike!
They won't have a Mike!
Top 10 Ideas for Michael Jackson Memorial Meal
10) The Way You Make Me Veal
9) Break of Prawn
8) Want to Be Starchin' Somethin'
7) Rock Shrimp with You
6) Heel the World
5) Smooth Crimini
4) Pretty Young Wing
3) Billy Jean Almondine
2) Remember the Thyme Roast Chicken
1) Black or White Cookies
9) Break of Prawn
8) Want to Be Starchin' Somethin'
7) Rock Shrimp with You
6) Heel the World
5) Smooth Crimini
4) Pretty Young Wing
3) Billy Jean Almondine
2) Remember the Thyme Roast Chicken
1) Black or White Cookies
Box Set
I've just heard that Michael Jackson was to bring out an 'ultra-exclusive one of a kind limited edition box-set' next week.
Why they can't just call it a coffin I don't know.
Why they can't just call it a coffin I don't know.
New albums on the make!
Rumor has it that Sony is releasing two new Michael Jackson posthumous albums.
Trying to capitalize in the sudden demise of the King of Pop, they have come up with the following titles: "Chiller" and "Gangrenous".
Trying to capitalize in the sudden demise of the King of Pop, they have come up with the following titles: "Chiller" and "Gangrenous".
(thanks Mountbatten BLAMMO)
Jun 28, 2009
He knows better
Michael Jackson gets to heaven and he meets God.
God, upon seeing him, says "Come to me, my child".
MJ thinks, "I know where this is heading..."
God, upon seeing him, says "Come to me, my child".
MJ thinks, "I know where this is heading..."
(thanks Mountbatten BLAMMO)
Difference
Q. What's the difference between Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson?
A. One had a disease that attacks the anus, the other was a Charlie's Angel.
A. One had a disease that attacks the anus, the other was a Charlie's Angel.
The Wiz
Latest Concert News
Michael Jackson’s UK tour will still go ahead as planned.
A spokesman said “So much of Michael was saved by the doctors after his surgical procedures that we are confident of being able to put something together.”
A spokesman said “So much of Michael was saved by the doctors after his surgical procedures that we are confident of being able to put something together.”
Simple Math
Medical research has confirmed that every time you grab your own crotch, it shortens you life by 2days. If the average lifespan of an American male is 80, then Michael Jackson passing on at 50 must have grabbed his crotch approximately 5470 times
Backwards
There are unconfirmed reports of people hearing Thriller playing backwards from the morgue.Apparently he's de-composing.
Coroner's doubt
After Michael Jackson's death, the coroners were unsure on what to put on the death certificate. In the end, one doctor pointed out it doesn't really matter if he's black or white.
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